Decimal Points Make Everything More Official

The painfully redundant and ineffective Greenpeace fundraising tool known as the Carting Away The Oceans report has been released and this time it has decimal points. Once a cartoonish mishmash of futile rhetoric about grocery store seafood sourcing policy, coupled with an unscientific ranking of stores, the report has been cleaned up a bit. While it doesnt quite fit into its big boy pants yet, it does have decimal points which makes everything more official.

The report still uses a completely non-transparent system to apply random rankings to retailers and then delves into discussion about those rankings as if they have some sort of actual standing in the real world. Greenpeace crows about how, of the top five grocery stores that lead in seafood sustainability for 2014four have performed well enough to surpass the 7.0/10 mark and earn a green rating. What they dont mention is that the rating means nothing and no one cares.

Dont misunderstand, at this point in this groundhog day-like campaign, Greenpeace doesnt think actual consumers wait anxiously by the printer for the new report so they can pour over it with a pen, noting key points that will influence their next purchase. No, thats not happening and Greenpeace doesnt think thats whats happening unless its shockingly more delusional that most assume. The real audience is big money contributors and foundations who Greenpeace must impress with all of its progress. But instead the foundations get quasi-fiction peppered with ratings created by a secret Rube Goldberg decimal generating machine.

No matter what grocers do it will never be enough to gain and keep a high rating. The reports former golden boys routinely find themselves facing hurdles or finding out theres still much more to be done despite all the work they do day in and day out to maintain a sustainable seafood supply.

Whats more Greenpeaces childish, sibling-like sniping towards the respected conservation group WWF is embarrassingly evident in their ranking of Kroger. The chain has had a long running and successful relationship with WWF. A relationship the petulant Greenpeace dismisses as having promoted minimal improvement and earned them the worst performing title in the Red List category. Once again WWF is in the boardroom making significant progress with companies while Greenpeace is in the parking lot protesting in costumes and being ignored by the multitudes who are embarrassed for them.

Recognizing its own ineffectiveness and continuing track into obscurity the report expands its rhetoric to any issue that might pique someones attention; GMO, Human Rights, Bering Sea canyons. Next year we expect at least one page on Grocery store policies towards Beyonc.

Carting Away The Oceans just carted away 20 minutes of my time that I will never get back.